Roughly Gentle Love
by Yaoi flame
Summary: Eiri remembers his past when Shuichi tries to be seme...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Obviously don't own nothing but this story.**

**AN: Bad grammar, as always.**

**If you liked/disliked the story, review is requested! :)**

**Roughly gentle love**

The way he was running his hands through his beautiful blond hair was so adorable.

The way his glasses were perfectly fitting his face, making it even more beautiful.

The way the said glasses were hiding mystical eyes was so challengeable.

His eyes…

His eyes were clouded but still they were bright.

They were the contrast of the same person.

Sometimes cuddly, sometimes cold and distant.

He was excentric.

The way he was holding a cigarette in his long fingers was so…sexy.

The way the cigarette was hanging out of his mouth was so…sexy, as well.

And his lips were so tempting.

His delicate eyebrows…

His entire body…

All of these indicated to one and only…

Eiri Yuki.

--

"I want you." said the boy, they were sitting on Eiri's couch.

"You won't get me, brat!" said Eiri.

"Oh, yes, I will. And you know that. I love you, Eiri."

"No, you don't brat. You're too young to know how to make difference between love and lust." said Eiri coldly.

That made Shuichi mad and near tears, of course, but he didn't make a scene.

He held his tears.

"I will prove you you're wrong, Eiri. First I will get you, then I will prove you I love you."

"Ok, brat. But don't cry when you fail." said Eiri, standing up, opening the door so Shuichi could get out.

Shuichi obeyed, kissing his lover for goodbye.

'_This relationship just doesn't have any sense…This kid…"_, thought Eiri. _'But still, there is something strange about him that made me fall in love with him. He's so stubborn.'_

He lightens his cigarette, lying sown on the couch. _'Maybe I should give him a chance…Just to see what he will do.'_

--

Love is blind sometimes.

Shuichi knew the task was tough.

He couldn't even think of something that could impress his cold hearted lover.

He was writing him so many lyrics, but Eiri…He was just nodding, saying nothing.

Underestimated his work.

"Throughout those lyrics was whole my soul, Eiri." whispered Shuichi while walking through a park.

It was night, the sky was clear, the stars were bright.

And he was cursing his destiny.

He never, never wanted to fall in love with a guy.

He never, never wanted it to be Eiri Yuki, the cold hearted romance novelist.

But the facts were telling the other story.

And Shuichi was waiting the day Eiri would open his heart and let his young lover in.

"I need you…" Shuichi whispered to the sky.

--

Eiri was resting on the couch, laptop in his lap.

He was typing another chapter of his newest book.

The cigarette smoke was spreading in spirals through the whole living room.

It was kind of sexy, the way smoke was curling and heading to the ceiling.

The dance of the smoke…

Shuichi would like to see Yuki dance for him in an exotic rhythm, just like the said smoke.

It was twisted, but it was essential analogy.

A doorbell.

Eiri reluctantly placed his laptop on the coffee table, standing up to open.

He rolled his eyes when seeing Shuichi.

"What do you want, brat?" he asked, uninterested and annoyed.

"I want to show you something." said the boy.

Shuichi enters the room.

"I will show you some rough love, Yuki. And you will beg for more." he said, pushing Eiri hard.

Eiri sat on the floor, his bottom was hurting him like a hell.

It was a nasty fall.

Shuichi sat in his lap, both legs on the other side of Eiri's lap.

He pinned Yuki on the floor, Yuki's hands above his head, held by Shuichi's.

Shuichi didn't give a second of time to Eiri to think, he crushed their lips immediately.

As their lips became one, Shuichi nibbled roughly Eiri's bottom lip, making it bleed.

Eiri moaned but didn't protest.

It was the strange mixture of joy and pain.

He liked it.

Shuichi released his swollen lips and started ravishing Yuki's long pale delicate neck.

"Brat, stop…"

But Shuichi was already def to hear anything.

Eiri wanted to stop himself from giving in, but couldn't resist.

Shuichi knew he was losing control over his own actions, totally screwing up the plan he has been making for days.

He unbuttoned Eiri's shirt, tearing up the buttons.

Pictures of rape flashed in his eyes.

Eiri remembered…

And it was horrible.

Like he was going through it the second time.

"Shuichi…" he whispered weakly, but Shuichi continued ravishing his chest.

"I will take you."

It was cruel, that abstinence Eiri has been making for weeks.

Six weeks without sex and it was driving Shuichi insane.

He loved Eiri too much and he couldn't cheat on him.

He wanted to show the blonde that he can be seme as well.

He wanted to show him how much he missed him, wanted him,..

"Shuichi, stop…" he was begging silently.

He was trying to push him away.

He wasn't enjoying anymore.

"Shuichi…"

Finally Shuichi stopped, looking at him from above.

Eiri's eyes were wet, a single tear streaming down his beautiful cheek.

"What is wrong?" asked Shindou, concern on his face.

"Please, just stop…" whispered Eiri, looking aside in shame.

"You don't want me? Why?"

But Eiri said nothing.

Shuichi stood up, disappointed and angry.

He couldn't understand.

"Who is the person you're screwing?" he asked coldly.

Eiri looked at him, not feeling need to justify his previous action or abstinence, but he said anyways:

"Nobody."

A simple reply that should tell everything Shuichi should know.

But Shuichi couldn't read between the lines, he was too much impulsive.

"I know you don't love me, Eiri. I'm just your toy, isn't it? I've always been one." he lowered his head, trying to hide tears and disappointment.

Eiri remained silent, even causing the chance Shuichi accept his silence as affirmation.

"I…You always say I'm unskillful. Yet I'm writing you the most beautiful lyrics, I give you my soul, whole my heart…I just wanted to show you how much I'm actually skillful. At least when talking about sex." Shuichi moved strands of hair from his own sad eyes. "But I guess I was making fool of myself all the damn time." he grabbed his jacket, heading to the door. "I presume it's over, isn't it? It had never begun."

Eiri let him go.

--

Flashbacks of his past didn't let him sleep, write, do anything.

Shuichi woke up in him something forgotten, opened the healed wound.

--

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Grammar sucks as always so get used to it, I'm typing fast, blah, blah, blah**…

--

It all started good, in fact.

Eiri wanted to tease Shuichi, to make him miserable, to make him beg for sex.

And it ended up completely different.

It's been pushed over the edge.

And the pain has been relieved.

It was horrible, the days that followed…

Eiri was constantly alone, as he had been before Shuichi walked into his life.

It was peaceful and quiet, but silence was suffocating the novelist.

He was uneasy.

He was way too complicated for the boy.

His past was haunting him, awoken by Shuichi's rough touches, bites and kisses.

Shuichi knew everything about him being raped, but he didn't find the connection.

Eiri wasn't even expecting that, knowing his lover would rather turn to himself and how Eiri didn't love him, was cheating on him…

He was right about Shuichi.

And he was sick of it.

His lover not being aware of his inner suffer.

It hurt.

But he didn't want to admit.

'_Maybe this all wasn't such a good idea…He's still a child, in fact…I don't blame him he doesn't understand me…Sometimes I don't understand myself either.'_

Shuichi just couldn't unleash the knot of Eiri's twisted emotions, thoughts, principles…

It was so dangerous and so hard.

It was heartbreaking.

--

Shuichi couldn't sing.

It was the obvious fact that Eiri was the one who inspired the young singer.

Hiro was noticing changes, knowing exactly that something terrible happened between the two.

Yet he said nothing.

It would be better if it all pass in silence.

If possible.

Shuichi's lyrics became dark expressions of despair, sorrow, disappointment.

And he just felt so damn betrayed.

He was a broken man.

"He…doesn't love me…" he whispered.

Hiro said nothing and just hugged him.

Silence was a good medicine…

Get over it in silence…

"I'll be there for you forever, Shuichi…Just please don't cry." Said Hiro. "The band, nothing matters…What that bastard had done to you?"

"He cried, rejected me ...Not letting me kiss him, touch him, fuck him…Nothing, for weeks. It was a sign, a clear sign I ignored. He wanted me away…" he said silently into his best friend's chest. "And I won't cry, I'll forget him…"

Hiro sighed.

"Have you ever considered he had an issue? Maybe he is ill or something like that and didn't want to tell you? He cried, right?"

"Yes, a little. But what could possibly be wrong with Yuki Eiri? He has everything he wants! He is everything he wants. And even if there was something wrong, and if I asked him, he wouldn't tell me. It's simple, really. He didn't want me there and that was his way to tell me. Maybe he was sentimental and cried from happiness. It wouldn't be wonder." Shuichi said bitterly, snorting.

"But maybe…"

"I don't want to talk about it, Hiro, so drop it and let's practice. " Shuichi cut him off energetically.

Hiro shut up and they continued practicing.

And Shuichi's vocal sucked.

There was no purpose in doing that anymore, but still, he continued singing.

And Hiro just played, trying not to sound like a broken record, as his friend was.

He was observing Shuichi, who was sad, broken, isolated…And it was driving him crazy.

But something told him it wouldn't be smart if he involved.

No, he was not going to go to Eiri again and yell at him because he hurt poor Shuichi.

No, not this time.

There was something about Eiri…He was crying…

--

Tohma said nothing, assuming by Eiri's expressionless face that something was badly wrong.

It was critical, he knew, because Eiri was lighting cig after cig, inhaling deeper that usual, that saint smoke that would probably take his life someday.

Tohma knew Eiri too well. He knew how to read his emotions even if they weren't shown.

Eiri was nervous and sad.

And that wasn't a good mixture.

He wasn't able to write.

And the deadline was approaching.

Tohma knew how much Eiri loved Shuichi, in fact.

How much he was pretending he didn't.

He wanted to protect himself from possible disappointments.

Eiri was truly cold and distant to the others, even toward Mika, but in Shuichi's case was different.

He was just pretending cold and distant.

No matter how much Tohma was trying not to say a word, his curiosity won in the end.

"What happened this time? Did your arguing cross the limit this time?" he asked, sitting next to his friend on the couch.

Eiri said nothing, just inhaling sweet, sweet nicotine.

"I…" he finally started, knowing he could trust his old friend Tohma, "was fooling around with him, not allowing him having sex with me for weeks, just to see him snap and…you know how abstinence…well…" he found himself too much opened.

"Makes sex better, right?" added Tohma, smirk on his face.

Eiri said nothing and Tohma took it as yes.

"And he snapped in the end…But his actions…well…"

Tohma could just assume.

"It reminded me of how I was raped."

"He was harsh to you?"

"In a way, but…He wasn't violent…I could shrug him off of me, but I didn't want to…and I wanted to." the novelist was confused as much as Tohma was.

"Days passed and my memories won't fade away. I remember every thrust, every second of it…"

Tohma was feeling guilty, and this statement didn't help him.

"It was my fault…" Tohma whispered, desperate, remembering disaster.

"You became a murderer because of me…." his eyes were clouded.

"Don't be pathetic, Tohma! It's nobody but Yuki's fault and you know that!" snapped cold hearted writer. "Stop blaming yourself!"

Tohma curved his lips, as if ready to cry.

"Oh, no…Don't make that face like…Shuichi." he stood up and headed to the kitchen. "Do you want to drink something or eat?"

Tohma shook his head.

--

"He just couldn't read between the lines and I was unable to speak…So he assumed I didn't love him and he left me. I let him go." said Eiri.

"Did you want that?"

"At the moment, yes, but I just wanted to be alone for couple of hours…I should have told him…But I didn't want to bother him. he's just a child."

"The child who loves you and would give everything for you. You know that, don't you?"

"I told him he knows no difference between love and lust."

Tohma sighed.

"Do you want him back?"

A moment of silence.

"I guess I do."

--

Shuichi remembered their first kiss. It was initiated by Eiri himself.

And it was awkward, yet it was nice.

It was nice being with someone you love.

And he loved him even more with every following day.

No matter Eiri was complicated, neurotic sometimes, Shuichi was patient.

He wanted to do something nice to him. To show him his love even Eiri knew the boy loved him.

Shuichi never got enough of showing his affection and proving the same.

And now he's broken, it was finally the end, the moment Eiri showed him he didn't give a damn about him.

Like Eiri had always been wondering what Shuichi was doing there.

Like he was…

…Unwanted.

...Unloved.

He remembered soft kisses Eiri was placing all over his body, the rare moment when he felt loved.

He remembered Eiri smiling once, in a dream.

Shuichi was watching him sleep.

He wished he was in the writer's dream.

And now, everything seemed so fake.

"Shuichi…"

"Eiri?"

"I came to tell you something."

Long silence.

Hesitation from both sides.

"C-come in…" the young man offered.

--

Eiri grabbed the boy without warning, kissed him hungrily.

When pulled apart, Shuichi's eyes demanded.

"I'm not going to let you step on me again. I'm not a bug."

"Just shut it, brat!" said Eiri, dead serious. "Why don't you show me your love?"

Shuichi's eyes teary.

"I…Why did you come? To confuse me again, huh? To use me, to play games and laugh at my statements of love?! And those lyrics, they meant nothing to you!"

"You're wrong…"

"No! I'm not letting you fool around with me anymore. I think I had enough tolerance, but this is it! Go home and leave me alone." Shuichi snapped, not succeeding to hold the tears.

Eiri was faced with the boy's back.

He placed one skinny hand on his shoulder.

"Please, let me explain."

Shuichi turned to face him, he's frowned, he's angry.

"I loved you and you didn't give a damn."

All Eiri wanted to say that moment was told through a passionate kiss he shared with Shindou.

He was pushing him back, all the way to his bedroom.

Shuichi protested, but was unable to push him away.

They fell on the bed.

Eiri was kissing him hungrily, not missing any spot of his delicious neck.

He was missing it.

"Eiri…" the boy moaned.

Eiri stood up, undressing himself.

Shuichi sat up, observing the wonderful creature before him stripping.

When Eiri stripped, Shuichi stood up, running his hands all over the blonde's body, placing small wet kisses on his chest, sliding down slowly…

Eiri cocked his head, sensation was amazing.

"Show me how much you love me, Shuichi, and I will show you how much I love you…"

--

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

Recap:

_Eiri cocked his head, sensation was amazing._

"_Show me how much you love me, Shuichi, and I will show you how much I love you…"_

--

But they both knew sex wasn't a solution.

In their previous arguments either Tohma was being mediator, or they were ending up in bed.

And that wasn't a solution.

It was just a mask.

A temporary one.

They worked as two dangerous bombs, ready to explode every minute.

But none of them could let go.

Eiri pushed Shuichi on the bed, ripping his clothes, unable to resist his lover.

Shuichi moaned loudly, gripping Eiri's hair, capturing his lips hungrily.

The heat was unbearable, sweat was streaming down their bodies, Shuichi cried silently, letting Eiri do to him various crazy stuffs.

Eiri was ravishing his body, without previous preparation, he just penetrated, unable to control himself.

Shuichi screamed, pain was throughout whole his body, he cried, but not begging Eiri to stop.

Not now…

It was a strange mixture of sensations-pain and happiness Eiri was there.

But it wasn't enough.

Sex wasn't a language that could solve a problem.

"Eiri…" he moaned his name, "Damn you…"

Eiri was looking him straight into eyes, he drank the pink haired boy's tears.

Eiri came into the boy, not letting a single sound escape his lips.

"Get off." said Shuichi, his voice flat.

Eiri did so.

Shuichi turned his back toward Eiri, mad at him.

Eiri was feeling bad, knowing he made a mistake.

He stroked the singer's hair gently, enjoying its softness.

He kissed Shuichi's shoulder gently.

The singer shuddered.

Eiri moved closer to Shuichi, his breath caressing the singer's ear.

"I'm sorry." he whispered.

"You're always sorry. First you break me then you say you're sorry." said Shuichi, his voice barely a whisper.

Eiri buried his face into Shuichi's neck, hugging him tighter.

He was placing butterfly kisses on delicate neck of the young vocalist.

Those kisses sent shivers down Shuichi's spine.

"It was misunderstanding." said Eiri. "That day…You reminded me of how I was raped."

Shuichi was silent, like he was asleep, yet he was listening.

"You made me feel horrible, you paralyzed me then. I let you go." Eiri nuzzled Shuichi's shoulder. "I let you think I didn't care…" he let go of the boy, sitting up in the bed, "But I do." Shuichi rolled on the other side so he can face his lover, "And sometimes, I just can't express it."

Eiri wasn't looking at Shuichi, he was looking somewhere else, before him.

"I will never understand you." said Shuichi, standing up, wrapped in sheet, "Maybe we're not meant to be together." he headed to the bathroom, "But it was nice being with you, Yuki Eiri." he said coldly.

The thing Shuichi said broke Eiri's heart.

He knew the risks of letting somebody in, and he shouldn't have done that.

He regretted.

But he loved that rebellious boy.

He loved and cared.

He jumped off the bed, grabbing Shuichi from behind, wrapping his long arms around his slim waist.

He wasn't about to let him go.

No, not again.

He made the pink haired teen turn and look at him.

Eiri's eyes bright, melancholic.

He was just staring at the boy, running his hands through messy pink hair.

The novelist pulled him closer, kissing him lightly, holding him tighter.

Shuichi kissed back, he broke before the blonde, he started crying into the kiss, sobs becoming stronger and stronger.

His amethyst eyes rested on the blonde after the kiss, asking way too many questions.

The moment of silence was enough for Eiri to show his affection.

Words were not enough to express his feelings.

So he found his novels pathetic.

But this love, this what he was having with Shindou, all the pain and all the joy, was something that was irreplaceable.

It was essential.

"Aishiteru." he said simply.

Shuichi smiled.

Eiri's first statement of love.

Maybe there was a millionth chance for them.


End file.
